Today my daughter asked me what the weather was going to be like, just as they were getting ready for school. it seems like a simple enough question, I’m pretty sure she had asked the same question yesterday especially now that we seemed to have skipped spring and jumped straight to summer in May.
it was such a beautiful spring day!
As she asked and I muscled the strength and concentration to check the weather app on my phone, I told her it would be hot and sunny so she needed to put on her warm weather clothes, water bottle and apply sunscreen. Just then it dawned on me that She depends on me for almost everything, all three kids depends on me, my husband depend on me to keep the family running, help him with his doctors or dentist quarterly check up, my parents, grand-parents, cousins, friends, they all depend on me. Maybe it was the lack of sleep seeing that I’ve only had 3 hours of sleep, I panicked for a little bit. The realisation that I was the human Siri was honestly quite overwhelming. In the words of Peter Parker spider man, “with great power comes great responsibility” my case appeared to be somewhat the other way round, “with great responsibility comes the need of great power, or perhaps coffee, or sleep or a hug or three nannies” – Irene. I know I’m no Beyonce so the idea of three nannies was out of the windows.
What if I fail them, now I’m not too worried about the adults in this equation, it is rather the young ones, the most vulnerable ones that I worry about. Its not their fault. They literarily depend on me for their survival. I am the sole source of food and nutrient for my nursing baby. Now that my husband has traveled back to work, I am the older kid’s main source of physical parental support. I may not be their sole source of nutrient as I can easily take them to McDonalds for cheese burger and fries, but the guilt and worry keeps me up at night. I find myself questioning myself, asking, if I’m giving them the right nutrients. I mean forget the fact that they got food in their tummy at least, they are showered, taken to school every single day, taken away from arms way, no, society makes it looks like parents who take their kids to fast food are not so good.
I don’t need no society to be on my case, I am already on my case. I ask myself what if I don’t know the answers to their question? After all, not all the answers can be found in an app, and i’m pretty sure google does not know everything. And Siri, well that guy does get tired sometimes and he begins to get cranky, trust me I have seem him get “emotional” when my son spent over thirty minute asking him weird questions over and over agin.
Again, what if I don’t have the answers they want? God know I love them too much to want to fail them, to not be able to give them the answer they need. I may not be able to answer all their questions, one thing I will always want them to know is that I am here for them. I will listen to their questions no matter how tired I am or how ridiculous it sound. I will search heaven and earth for answers no matter how many few hours of sleep I have had. You see, because they depend on me, it has now become a duty. I owed it to them the minuet I choose to bring them into this world and be their mother.
The truth is, they are not the only one who depend on me, I also depend on them. they gave my life a new meaning, showed me strength I never knew I had, I mean I can multi-task like a pro! I never knew I could survive on only two hours of sleep and still be able to function the next morning. I depend on my husband for emotional support he may probably think its more financial as he calls himself my ATM machine but I beg to differ. Also being my best friend, there are things I can only tell him and not get worried about being judged. I depend on my girlfriends for moral support and so on. I believe thats what relationships are all about, us depending on each other. Helping each other out. An unspoken code.
So in reply to her question, it is a beautiful weather outside today and later on in the day, me and the littlest one went out for picnic under the most beautiful tree we saw while the older kids were at school.