5 Simple Ways to Transition into Spring/Summer

1. Go for bright colors

2. Layer up your tops or shirts with a trench coat, jumper or blazer.

3. Swoop the boots for trainers or plums

4. Accessories – add a scarf, pieces of jewelry, hair bows, etc

5. Wear something White –

STAY AT HOME MOM VS WORKING MOM

As an adult mom with responsibilities and purpose, there is this big question we ask ourselves as soon as we are even thinking about starting a family. Do I stay at home and look after my kids or do I go back to work, get someone else to look after the kids, earn a living to look after myself and the kids and achieve my own personal fulfilment?

There is no one answer to this question and no right answer too. Regardless of what you choose to do, that decision is perhaps the best decision for you. Here is my personal experience and how I came about choosing the best option for me and my kids. Our personal situations and experiences does impact what we decide to do about going back to work or not.

I am a stay at home (I work from home, I have my own small business I do from home) mom. When the two older kids were very young, after my maternity leave (England is better than America for that) I was working full time, schooling full time and parenting full. I had a live in nanny, their dad worked in the London branch of his company so we always leave home together in the morning and come back together in the evening. The kids were between 0-2 and the live in nanny also helped with cleaning. I never allowed anyone else to cook for my husband and kids and I took the kids for swimming and their activities. This was going on ok until my husband changed job. We all want financial stability. If you are an immigrant you would understand the honesty. We always joke, that we did not leave our countries for the English weather. So when an offer that almost triples his wages came up, it was unwise not to take it. However, such lucrative job comes with lots of sacrifices and challenges. One of it being that he traveled a lot, so he is often not around. When the kids were younger, we always traveled with him sometimes but the older they got, the more we wanted to create stability. We can’t have the kids growing up with both parents not around.

I was raised by a single teen mom so basically her immediate family raised me. My mom went back to school and started her own successful business. We were comfortable but we never sat around the table to eat together – she would come home late at night when I was already sleeping, hell we even missed so many christmases together. Probable why I love Christmas with my kids so much. I could go on about the emotional and physical abuse I endured as a child from closest family members who were more than happy to bully me because they knew my mom wasn’t around to hold them accountable and my dad was never around anyway. Although I am healed from it, but I never forget about it. This really affected my choice in raising my kids.

Call me traditional, but my philosophy is that at least one parent has to be at home to look after the kids. I cannot stress how important this is. Money is not everything. You will not allow anyone to look after your most expensive assets. why allow strangers or even family members to look after your priceless kids? I say even families because, I worked in social service for over six years and from professional experience, 90% of the abuse to children, comes from people closest to them. We warn them about stranger danger, the most dangerous people to kids are their primary carers.

My husband being a typical African man, even though he is British, took the job hoping I would automatically love to stay at home. Anyone close to me, knows how much I love kids. I literally love them so much and mine are not exception. I love being with them. I don’t love the work part though, the cleaning etc. When you are a working mom, you are still a full time mom but someone else do the hard physical part. But when you are a stay at home mom, you do EVERYTHING and that is exhausting and tiring, the aches and chills. I can’t remember the last time I don’t take 200mg of pain medicine at night. Unlike how I may come across, I am also very career oriented too. To be honest, not necessarily career, but I am financially minded. I have been hustling, selling things since I was a kid.So yes I am maternal but I am also a firm believer in personal financial freedom regardless of how blissful your marriage or relationship is. Have your own personal bank account and keep putting small amount into it. Me allowing my husband to go work in this new company without opposition wasn’t because I was a submissive or gullible wife, it was a calculated decision. One I did with the happiness and comfort of my kids in mind.

Remember that at least one of the parents always has to be with the kids. How I chose who that would be was a simple calculation. Who earned the most? Unfortunately a lot of men still earn more than their wives. This means a lot of women HAS to be the ones to make the decisions to stay at home. I would love to be the one working but his wages was more than enough to cover all our expenses. If on just mine, yes we might have gotten by but it won’t be enough for holidays or anything else. That was how I allowed him without complaint.

You have to be pragmatic about these things. Yes we live in a more sophisticated world were women rule, girl power, feminism and all that, but this is your family we are talking about and you have to make the best decision ( not political decision) for your family.

Despite choosing to stay at home to look after your own kids yourself, you can still make some income. The truth is that it may not be self fulfilling or financially rewarding as if you were 100% committed to working outside the house. But it is something. My only consolation is when I see the kids striving. I am not talking necessarily about education alone but in terms of the values you wanted them to have. The bible says “raise up your children in the way they SHOULD go”… Your children, the mandate was to you the parent(s), no one can truly want the best for your kids as much as you do. There is also a way you might want them to grow. What value do you want them to have. No amount of detailed written down routine for the carer can instill that into them. Sooner or later the kids will say, you are not my parents why are you asking me to do this or do that. Which is true. We tend to listen to our parents more than our carers.

One thing I also remind myself when I feel like I made the wrong choice is that these years, are investments. They will not be kids forever and by Gods grace, once you get it right with them, you will never have to pay for therapy for them to undo years of abuse they may have suffered. Don’t get me wrong, kids who were raised by at least one of their parents are also messed up ( we are all messed up one way or another), there is just a good messed up and a not so good messed up.

I cannot over emphasis how important it is for you to look after your kids. I know some of us may not have the choice to make, especially if you are already a single parent or you honestly just don’t have it in you. I respect people who know themselves and are true to themselves. You have to do what you have to do. If this is your case, by all means do not feel bad about having to make the decision to go outside and work and have someone else look after the kids. Have that conversation with them, kids are not stupid, they will probably not like it but they hear you. I cannot attend this and that because it is only mommy that has to work so we can have food to eat, house to live and clothes to wear. Even be able to buy you that toy you wanted.

I tell my kids this when I have deadlines and yet they want me to do something (despite working from home, we also get guilt tripped so don’t worry). I also want you to know that by reading this, asking yourself the question of what is better for my kids, you are already an amazing parent. You won’t bother if you didn’t care. You want what’s best for them and sometimes that is good enough.

If you are 50/50 about it, you should know that there is also the option of taking temporary or lesser roles. You may not have as much money as you would have, but at least you will be able to spend more time with the kids. I have seen moms changing careers to become teachers or nurses so they can have that flexibility.

Lastly, that “life – career balance” is a myth. You can not joggle those two things successfully. One has to give. I hate seeing women on newspapers and social media, “mom of three running a Fortune 500 company, or when they say “she combines motherhood and running a successful business etc” Yes the fact is that she birthed three kids but the silent message that she’s a hands on full time mom and still able to run her business is all BS. The truth they don’t tell you is the amount of help, nanny(ies) they have, their mom and sister who regularly take the kids for piano lessons and swimming. Forget the one they had to pose for the camera for, their husbands who is fully involved. Their possible cook and cleaner.

They come back from work tired but the nanny is there to give the kids their bath. But the few days they do it they capture it for the camera on social media so that they can prove they do it all and are involved. If you truly do it all by yourself then you will know that the reality is that you don’t even have the time to get a camera to take a photo when you are busy giving them a bath, helping the older ones with homework, making dinner, reminding them to brush and floss oh let’s not forget you. You have to take off your makeup and drink your water and moisturize. It never ends. These are all staged photos. I am a blogger and and instagramer and that is the truth. When you are in the moment of motherhood, you don’t have time for photos.

When the world found out that Beyonce had three nannies for just the twins, there was a lot of gossiping. I loved her honesty. How do you think Kate Middleton in the royal palace does it? They don’t tell you the amount of servants they have and when people who are honest do, they crucify them. I think it is important that people know the truth. That because you do not have time to go to the gym and loose that baby weight doesn’t mean you are lazy, that because you didn’t get that promotion doest mean you didn’t put in the hours (what hours when you got kids). No one can have it all. Do not set yourself up to fail. Know your own situation and work with what you got. Putting the children first, choose what’s best for your family.

On The 19th Day of Christmas

We found a hidden gem in the form of restaurant. The Rockefeller’s center is often times mistaken for just going in for pre-top booked activities like the view from the top of the rock or ice skating. What a lot of people especially if this is your first time, do not know is that there are several restaurants and shops downstairs of the building. You can just walk into the building, take the stairs and be amazed by several places to eat and shop. Shops includes Starbucks, pizza shop, sit in table service restaurants and a fast track to the ice rink.

We stopped to eat at Cuccina and Co.

We were seated on time and a waiter came to collect our orders in less than 5 mins. This was impressive considering there was lots of people and I must say a positive experience because when you are a parent hauling kids around the kids and they are hungry, you want to get food inside their stomach as soon as possible.

The food was delicious. There wasn’t overly a lot of options, again this can be good for some people. I don’t like being overwhelmed with options personal so far they have a good option of cooked meals, it’s good enough.

We had food from the kids menu – Pasta and tomato sauce and desert. We also had chicken and mashed potato (wish it came with vegetables) and a shareable cheesecake desert. It was very filling for three people. I loved the chicken meal. It was well seasoned, moist and they added a gravy-like-sauce. I have been to several American restaurants and most times the steak or meat or fish is served dry. They give you ketchup or something like that to put on it. I love a good sauce on my meats. It literally and figuratively wet your palette. So I was really impressed with this meal.

I will definitely recommend this restaurant and would definitely be going back. I loved the food and the quick service. It was clean and the staffs were courteous. It is family friendly.

On The 17th Day of Christmas

I am loving blogmas and making new and interesting contents for you all. However, editing and putting it together this period is so crazy. I wanted to be doing them live unlike those vlogmas that are prerecorded. And preplanned or with no Christmas content. Now I understand why they do that. Christmas time in NYC school is hectic and this is our first experience. Fun fact:

We traveled to America on Christmas Day which meant we had two Christmases. One in London and one in America! So the kids joined the next school season. In the UK, Christmas time is a little more mellow. Any busyness you have is self inflicted really. I was always taking the kids to winter wonderland in Hyde Park or one Panto. But at their school, they just had a Christmas jumper day and “sometimes” end of year Christmas play. A lot of parents didn’t like that it wasn’t all the time. And all the years. Maybe it was the school our kids were in but there were some years one child will have a Christmas play and the other won’t have one.

Here in America it is different. Maybe it is just NYC but there are several things going on and I love and function in all the chaos but it’s hard keeping track of especially being our first time. Last week was the younger one winter concert at school.

And like most things America which I love by the way, it was grand. The PTA were selling roses and I was wondering if I should get one because first of all he is a boy and secondly he is not used to this practice from the UK. I saw a friend buy one for his son so I went ahead and did the same. It’s the gesture that matters not the sex. Boys needs to be cheered and appreciated when they perform too. Secondly we are loving acculturating into our new homeland. And I love this practice.

Then yesterday was my oldest daughters winter concert and recital.

The baby was so happy to see her big sister on stage. She was cheering her on. Then we went to give her a quick hug and kiss. Unfortunately the PTA did not sell flowers this time.

Next is more recital from their end of year after school club concert. Then class Christmas parties. Collections for the teachers and staffs which is brilliant by the way. Instead of individual gifts, the parents make a collection and one appointment parent get the teachers something they really want. So even if one parent doesn’t have something to contribute, they still get involved.

They also have Christmas jumper day here in America but they call it Holiday attire day. There are lots of Jewish people here and not everyone celebrate Christmas so they use “holiday” more than “Christmas” here. One other thing is that the school took the kids to a theater (in Times Square) so I guess that’s like going to the Pantomime here. The rest things I filled them up on. Now we kind of have the best of both worlds. Traditions we brought from the UK and the traditions we are experiencing here too.

Top 6 Places To Go Santa Crawl in NYC

New York City is such a beautiful place during the holidays and there are so many amazing things to see and do. One Christmas traditions we do, even when in London was to do a Santa Crawl. That is when you go and see Santa in different places. I think it’s so lovely and fun especially with younger kids.

One thing I noticed in NYC that is different from London is that there is a form of continuity and resemblance in all the Santas. They all look alike. Even the brown Santas. I think this is really good because we tell the kids that it’s a fun game trying to trick Santa by going to see him in different locations. Like a Santa hunt. So them looking kind of alike helps the younger kids to keep believing that it is the same one Santa, but in different locations.

On the 16th day of Christmas we went to see the Santa at Lotte Palace Hotel, again, and I’m going to give you a list of 6 places to go see Santa in NYC.

  1. The Santa at Macy’s. Macy’s Santaland is truly magical. No wonder people travel far and new just to come here

2. Santa in Bloomingdales

3. The Santa in Lotte Palace Hotel. I love this one the best because it is very relaxing, no queue. There is a reading, you can go have breakfast in the restaurant first. There is a beautiful letter box and beautiful Christmas trees in and outside. It is truly magical during the Christmas holidays.

4. Santa at the Rockefeller’s center ice Rink. This one is not free but you get to either have breakfast or lunch with Santa while overlooking the ice rink. It is a beautiful experience.

5. The Santa at the Brookfield Place New York. Create lasting experience with the Santa at Brookfield Place.

6. The Santa at The Plaza Hotel. If you have watched Home Alone and are into Christmas movies you will know that you cannot have Christmas in New York City without a trip to the Plaza Hotel. It’s so beautiful.