How to cope with having a new baby after a long time in-between kids

I remember when we found out that we were expecting a baby boy just 9 months after our daughter was born. we were excited, we felt contented, grateful and a sense that our family was now complete. No need for another child we thought. I’m done I said. How was I wrong!

Fast forward four years later, our last born started primary school and I felt like ‘now I can focus on my career’. spend quality doing what I always wanted to do, then the yarning for a another child began. I suddenly became all broody again. I was getting older and I felt it was either now or never. I guess it was easier to say never initially because, firstly it wasn’t happening anyway, I mean I was able to get pregnant straight away after the first time but not this time. Secondly, my husband got reassign to a different country – continent, so we hardly saw one another and I am not Mary so no hope of an immaculate conception there! Lastly and most importantly, because the older two kids were so close in age, I struggled in those first two year. I had two under two, working full time, schooling full time. Saying it was difficult would be an understatement. So I was not going to give much thought to adding another baby. But as soon as they were both in full time education, I felt free and could think rationally. I’ve always loved and wanted a big family and if judging from my mom and grandma who gets to menopause early , it was now or never.

Its always nice to plan and do things with logic and analyse every decision however what we failed to realise is that while we were debating weather to have more children or not, time was going. our last born was nearly six years old. meaning it was six years ago since I last had a baby. I had gotten ride of all our baby things, I have forgotten what it was like to be pregnant or have a little baby. I am now at a different stage of parenting.

Some people told me that it would comes back to me, that it was just like riding a bicycle, although that is somewhat true. maybe it isn’t so much as coming back to you but your mama instinct does immediately kick in. you begin to know and remember what to do. what you don’t know however is that each pregnancy is different, each baby is different so what you already know or read may not be applicable anymore.

The age gap has its disadvantages and its advantages. having a big gap between kids isn’t all bad. I have come to appreciate it and thought it was a situation that turned out to be favourable to us. the kids are older and wiser. I could explain things to them and they would understand it. like why mommy was always so tired when I was pregnant. why mommy keeps forgetting things and sending the wrong things to school or signing the wrong school trip letter. they know about mommy having baby brain. We could involve them in the family decisions like what would we hope the new baby would be, a girl or boy? how about names? and so on.

Being older also meant I didn’t have to buy and wrap gifts from baby which they would have figured out because they know a new born baby can’t go to the shops and buy them gifts. one major worry I had was coping with the demands of the older kids versus the demand of the newborn. with the older kids, I have to take them to school, attend PTA meetings, help them with school projects and homework unlike when I was last pregnant, where I didn’t have to do any of those, they were a year apart. after the birth of my second child, three of us stayed at home together, went out together, they are just one academic year apart which means most of everything relating to school was done at the same time.

My favourite part about having an age gap is that the older kids are now very helpful. I have told them time and again that I do not know how I would have coped this few months with a new baby, new apartment, new city and new continent without their help. from helping to change the baby’s diaper to holding her while I take a quick shower. they sing to her, talk to her, read to her. they can see when I’m over whelmed and either give me a back rob or offer to hold her while I close my eyes for 5 minutes – quite literarily.

Its not just the benefits to you, its what it does to them too. my first born daughter was not as excited about having another sibling as she did with this new baby. it was simply because she is older and more mature. not only that, it has led to wonderful conversations like exploring other means of having a family such as adoption and fostering a child because they saw all the pains I went through and instead of it to discourage them from having kids, we looked at other means of having a family. they are more caring, gentle, kinder, compassionate and considerate. they have learnt and matured so much over the last few months.

Personally, the benefit of spacing kids out weighs the negatives. Yes it would be nice to have them all at the same time and get it done with but that maybe too much for some of us. Spacing them out gives you a few moment to catch your breath while you dive in again. If you already have kids and you are thinking about having more kids but are worried about the age gap, don’t worry. so far your doctor has cleared you, go for it. it won’t be easy but having and raising humans isn’t easy anyway, but it would be fun! I always say ” don’t let fear stops you from your dreams”. Go for it!

How to cope with the age gap

  1. Make the most of the situation, see it as a blessing. Having the age gap means you have had a breather, you are wiser, more confident. the things that gave you anxiety as a new mom does not bother you anymore. who needs a changing stating?
  2. Your older kids are your helper. They do love helping and it is a good character building to allow them to help with the new baby. I try not to take advantages though, I watch them to see if they are tired, not in the mood to hold a baby, or if they simply rather play at that moment. They do not help much during week days because of homework and wind down time.
  3. Although you may have to start buying the baby thing all over again, I see it as a positive. I love shopping, both in person or online. New baby things come into the market all the time so it would be fun to see whats currently trending. You don’t actually need much things, except if you are going to have even more kids.
  4. Remember that your life does not stop once you have a new baby, especially for the older kids. do what you normally do with them, go out for family meals, do home work together. when the baby is crying and the older kids needs you, attend to the older kid first, that will show him that he is as important. that the baby has not come to take over or take their parents away.
  5. give yourself time to heal. regardless of how you had your baby, you are not as you were when you had your first baby, it may take longer to heal or for things to fall back to where they were. don’t rush it. give it time. do what you can, when you can and how you can.
  6. it maybe harder to make new ‘new mom friends’ but then you realise you don’t need one as much as you thought you did when you first had a baby several years ago. keep the old friends you have and be open to new friendship but remember you are not the expert, don’t tell them what to do simply because you have been there already. if you have an opinion, write a blog : )
  7. unless it is literarily a matter of life and death, nothing else is as important as your kids and family. put everything else aside for now. focus your energy and resources on them.
  8. have an outlet. blog, instagram, take photos of nature, write a book, something that is yours and it is for you.
  9. know that you will feel guilty. the older kids will tell you that you don’t love them, that all you care about is the baby. they don’t mean it, you may know that, they may come around and say sorry they didn’t mean it but you will still feel guilty. Communicate, explain to them why you need to attend to the baby more. babies are fragile and helpless. you did exactly the same for them when they were younger.
  10. Stock the house of everything you use and need. not just food, stock the house with light bulbs, memory cards, batteries, etc.
  11. Keep some money aside. you will find Uber eats and deliveroo to be your best friend. the age gap means different routine and schedule for kids so there will be very little time to be cooking from scratch. Eating out/takeaway/delivery cost a lot more than making your own food.

A Day out In The City

Today started out like any other day, the kids woke up super early despite it being a weekend and wishing just like every day in the last five days, they had wanted to sleep in, wake up late. What happens to the not doing anything until it was 11am rules? Kids being kids, they decided to wake up early and start the day in a high spirit. I looked at them wanting to moan about it but decided to go with the flow. we turned the radio on, dancing and singing while tidying up.

then my phone buzzed reminding me of a play date we had arranged last week, I had forgotten all about it, talk about baby’s brain! I had not only forgotten, I haven’t confirmed it. quickly I rushed to text the family and they said yes they were still expecting us. quickly we raced to get ready and just as we were about to leave the apartment, the baby decided to do a number 2. after cleaning her up, she started crying so I stayed back to nurse her. eventually we left the apartment and headed up town.

we took a taxi to 116th street and as the driver was going past the park I realised that it was unusually filled up, people were having parties, kids playing, music beaming from different angles. I asked the driver what was going on and he said it was cinco de mayo celebration. I have heard of this celebration were a lot of Americans dress up in colourful Mexican themed outfits, drink margaritas and eat tacos but I have not really thought much of what it actually meant. a quick google search told me it was a day celebrated because a small Mexican army defeated a large French army in the battle of Puebla. asked and answered. moving on swiftly because it is still all new to me. I am glad that at least that we are all somehow colourfully dressed. quickly I asked the taxi driver if he could be kind enough to play photographer and tale us a photo so we can remember our first somewhat cinco de mayo celebration in New York City. Maybe next year we will be able to do it proper,

Baby Gender Reveal 

It’s a girl! 


We are so happy to be having another beautiful little baby girl in 5 months time. 

All my cravings and motherly instinct told me it was going to be a boy. I craved for very spicy delicious Western Nigerian meals, similar to the cravings I had in my previous pregnancy with my son. My mother also had a dream that it was going to be a boy. But as usual I was a little sceptical and didn’t go ahead to start shopping for everything blue. We wanted to get the confirmation from the 20 weeks scan. After three pregnancies, I’ve come to realise that babies sometimes have a mind of their own. Just as every child is different, so is every pregnancy. 

I’ve always said to those closest to us that I don’t mind much about the gender of a baby. As long as the child and mom is healthy and both are home safely after the birth. That’s what matters to us. Besides we’ve already got one of each so we are very grateful for any additional child. 

The more detailed 20 weeks scan not only should us our beautiful girls’ face but also showed us that she’s doing well. 

Our daughter Victoria is happy to be having a sister she can play dress-up with. 

While our son Daniel is happy to have at least one baby sister who won’t be bossing him about like his older sister who’s always playing the mummy. 


Me? I’m just happy to be growing our family! 

Getting Moms Ready For Back to School

The kids are back to school for the new academic year. You have gotten them ready. School uniforms, shoes, bag, packed lunches, hair, etc. How about you? Have you gotten yourself ready? Someone once said if you fail to prepare, then you have prepared to fail. How do we prepare ourselves for the new challenge? It may not be new for you but after spending over six weeks of summer, kids starting new classes and new curriculum it sure feels like a new challenge. 

One key thing is for us to be healthy. Healthy minds, body and soul. Eat well, move a little more, rest and drink plenty of water. Take supplements to balance up any key vitamins your body is lacking will help you feel better. When you feel better, your mindset will be better and you can be a better mom, wife and colleague. I usually get tired, lack energy and motivation. Taking supplements like Pharmaton helped me a lot. 


Self care isn’t being selfish. I’ve said it several times, it’s important to look after number one so you can look after the number ones in your life. 

Another way to be prepared is to get organised. Organisation doesn’t have to be fancy or complex. A simple calendar with space in the boxes to write down appointments is ok. A more sophisticated planner with dates, telephone numbers, bills, receipts and vouchers is also ok. What’s important is being able to write down key things. When is homework due? when is after school club? when is the next jab or dentist appointment? When are you having your hair done? when is lunch with a friend? When does the fish tank needs washing? When is the parking fine due? When does the washing machine needs servicing? Car M.O.T due?Keep them short and sweet. Bullet points. Try to keep things on direct debit and annual things on yearly reminders on your phone. Most people use smart phones nowadays and they are great planners. Use both. 

Also remember to utilise resources at your disposal. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Ask from family, friends and the school for any support or resources that might be available to you. Find out from your local council what support or information is available in your area. Message people you follow on social media privately to ask for the full story behind the seemingly I -got-it-all- together picture. Be polite. Worst that can happen is they say no or ignore you but be proud of yourself that you put yourself out there. There response will speak more about their personality than yours (approache people you’ve built a good relationship with through liking and commenting on their posts, not people you ignore and now wants their help), it’s ok to ask for help from people outside our circle. 

Finally relax. The kids will be alright. Peace of mind and calmness can go a long way. Kids pick up on it. You will forget to return a signed slip, they will go to school without a jumper or water bottle some day and that’s ok. It won’t be the end of the day. There is always tomorrow. The hope of a better day. 

*Disclaimer: This post contains product I have been paid to advertise however all opinions are mine. I have used this product before I was pregnant (not suitable for pregnant women) and I’m now making an honest review. 

New Year Resolution


Happy new year! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. Christmas and New year has come and gone and its time to plan for the year ahead. Do you want to be healthier, fitter or have more financial freedom? Or maybe you want to have a better relationship with your spous and family? now is the time to work on achieving your dreams for the year.

According to Forbes magazine (Jan 3 – online) if you do not bother with making new year resolutions, but you are are a person who chooses to leave their life meaningfully and purposefully regardless, good on you. If you do like making resolutions however, here are five simple common resolutions to keep in order to have the best year ever.

  1. Healthy Eating – do not compare yourself with others. Do your own thing at your own pace. make simple life changes like try having a bowl of salad, veg or fruits with your main meals. Drink a glass of water before, during and after meals. Ithelps keep you full for longer. Cook and prepare your own meal. One very important thing we do at home is to not stock the cupboards and fridge with junk foods. if it’s not there you wont eat it. Rather stock the house with fruits and vegitable. Healthy snakc like popcorn in small quantity can be allowed. We also do not do three course meals. We only eat main food with salads. Once in a while we may have ice-cream for treats. So we keep little tub of ice-cream to share amongs all of us.

  1. Exercise – If you want to lose weight this year, take it easy. Start at your own pace and gradually work your way up. You do not have to register in a gym but if you do and have a personal trainer, make the most of it. If like the rest of us you do not have a personal trainer, the most important thing is to understand your body. which part of your body put up weight the must. is it your stomach, thighs, arm or bum. concentrate on those areas. I put up weight in my mid section (the most deadliers part because those are the organ areas) so my excercise usually target those areas. A little jog around the block can go a long way, sit ups,planking, squatting and leg lifts can help you see significant changes in your body without leaving the comfort of your home.

  1. Finance – We may all want to become millionaires but the reality of that happening takes a lot of hard work, dedication and a sprinkle of good luck. We can however plan our budget properly so we are able to afford things and help our money stretch further. Budgeting is very important as it helps you see what is coming in and what is going out.so you can plan accordingly. No nasty surprises. Try making your own food as supposed to eating out all the time, buy things on sale. Some of us don’t have the space or green finger to grow our own food, but buying seasonal fruits and veg can help us save more as they are often more affordable. Buy and cook in bulk. We live in a small flat so space may not really allow us to buy and cook a lot of food but with good use of storage spaces, you can still maximize your space and cook for at least three days. Find trips, day out and activities you can do with your family for free. Go see movies on Sundays when its less expensive for instance. Do not forget your vouchers and coupons. Find out what little things you can do to increase your cash flow, maybe make a little investment, an extra shift, a new business idea. You can do anything you set your mind to do. What talents and gifts do you have? Can you make hair? try doing it for someone for an extra few pounds.
  2. Relationship – If you want to get married this year or have a better relationship with your spouse this year, the key is to work on yourself more. Self development. When you are whole that is you are alright in yourself, without needing validation from someone else or needing the approval or the company of others in order to be happy, your relation will become much better. Go on date nights ( or day dates) but also go out with your own friends. Do things by yourself. Read a book. Take a day trip to the museum. Have your own personality, your own individuality. Also allow your spouse to spend time with their own friends without constantly calling or texting them to see what they are doing. Be more understanding of one another. communicate better. Talk to each other, face to face where possible. Be spontenous.
  3. And lastly, regardless of your new year resolutions, take it easy on yourself. Do not set yourself up to fail by take on too much too quickly. Have a plan. Get a planner. Be meticulous about it but yet leave room for flexibility. Ask yourself why you want to do it. How bad do you really want it? How important is it to you? Do you want to give up smoking because its bad for your health or because it’s the new year and you are making a resolution. Do you want to lose weight to look good, feel happier and healthier or just because it is expected of you? are you doing it for yourself or for others to see how far you have come? Last year I wanted to lose weight because i was unhappy with my size. I wanted to look the way I was many years ago before having kids. Yes the weight came off but then it quickly came back on. I realized I may never be like I was many years ago. I’m not the same person. I have had babies and now live a less active life (modern day comfort). I’m not the same young lady jumping on buses to get to campus. Now, its my lifestyle to be healthy as a family. To eat healthy five times in the week, move more doing house chores and finding happiness in the little things of life. By making it part of our life, they weight stay off. Even if you add a little, you get it off quicker than being on a diet. Make it a family affair to be healther.

So as you embark on this new journey in 2017, do not put pressure on yourself, eat well, move more, sleep well and relax your mind. You are in it for  long haul. It is not a race, it is a journey. Enjoy every minute of it!